Varoufartacus (Left) as a young man, courtesy of the St Petersburg Museum of Ancient World Icons
The EU – funded by infamous Roman moneylender Dragigula and led by Gelicus Imperatrix using the FinMin armies of Hun mercenary Schaubilius Odium – put down the revolt, after which a merciless programme of Crucifixion was administered throughout the Hellenic Republic by Finnish Nordogoths under the tutelage of Chiselbumius the Nederlander Neanderthal.
At the Battle of Bruxellicum in July 2015, rebel Hellenic general Alexicon was routed by the newly-developed wheelchair Blitzsmear of Schaubilius the Hun, and forced to capitulate to the growing demands of the ruling National Socialist Christian* Coalition ‘Nastinicum’ (and its mob supporters united beneath the Bildetcircuses banner).
But the search went on for Varoufartacus, who had used his far-sighted insights about the future to flee from the self-styled Pax Eunaticus. So great was the stress of his ordeal, all his hair fell out.
EU bankroller Dragigula offered a €36bn reward for information about the whereabouts of the former slave, but his followers spoke up to offer themselves in an attempt to spare him:
Even defeated Hellenic general Alexicon made a personal plea to Dragigula….
….but Varoufartacus made good his escape, and was later inducted into the Hall of Rock n Roll Marxist Libertarian Economics Fame.
*Editor’s note. why the Hun players in this period of ancient history used the prefix ‘Christian’ 2015 years before the birth of Christ – while displaying no interest in the core Christian ethic of forgiveness – remains a conundrum gently folded into an enigma and then vigorously blended to create a baffling meze of mystery.